Welcome to my kitchen. Before I show you around I should probably mention that we have no kids, we don’t drink, we don’t really socialise. We have three things in our life: Lego, pets who are more antisocial than we are, and this kitchen. That said it’s not very big. But we cram as much as humanly possible into it.

So yeah, that’s it! We have a washing machine in the kitchen, which of course makes me terribly common. We also have bunting because it’s the law in England and the word ‘vegan’ because how can you tell if someone is vegan? You don’t have to their cupboards will tell you. We’re open plan so over on the right is the lounge and behind is the dining area were the parakeet and guinea pig live.

Side view: you can see the overspill from the cupboards on the right there. The big plastic tub is our bread bin because Kate has a no twee faux-vintage bread bin policy. I don’t have such a policy. It causes arguments in kitchenwear shops. But she lets me get away with decorating the fridge so I can’t complain.

These are the countertop appliances we keep out. And yes we have more scattered around the flat. Left to right let me introduce you to the vitamix, stand mixer, coffee grinder, instant pot, the kettle, and the toaster. The coffee grinder gets used almost exclusively for garam masala. I’m in love with the instant pot it gets used at least once a day. I use it to speed up my cooking, save money using dried beans and, most of all, for cooking rice. The toaster has a crumpet mode, which is essential.

More overspill storage. A rail for the more decorative pans, cookie cutters and utensils. Tubs for flour, rice, cashews, vital wheat gluten. The banana bowl. I had an ex who called me a lesbian feminazi in the kitchen (affectionately, I think) so when I moved in here I made this ‘bitch in kitchen’ cross stitch to let Kate know what she was in for.

We got a new hob this year. We switched from gas to induction. If you didn’t think my crumpet mode was exciting you have to admit that induction cooking is. We converted because it’s more environmentally friendly and we adore induction. I was worried that it would be as rubbish as electric so Kate got me one of those portable Ikea hobs. I loved how responsive it was. We did have to get a few new pans though. I got these cute little enamel ones from Ikea. I love Ikea.

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Under the hob is, of course, the oven. We upgraded to this baby a couple of years back. After deciding on a Neff we thought we should pay the extra cash so we’d have the door that slides under like on Bake Off. Admittedly we didn’t make that choice from a practical standpoint but actually in a small kitchen with two cooks it makes a really huge difference.

What about the insides of my cupboards? You do not want to see that. It’s just chaos. But I will show you some of my collections. Above you’ll find my Starbucks mugs, from my last Disney/Universal trip. More practical than Disney pins. Though I still bought Disney pins.

I never get to use these any more. Depressingly it’s been over a year since I last had a full time job. Clockwise from top left: snack box, salad box, cat bento, stacking boxes with cute things eating smiley noodles. And in the bottom picture: Hello Kitty box, Yay Lunch box, laptop lunch box, and a thermos style box. Come to think of it I bought two of these from Epcot too.

I hope you enjoyed this tour of my kitchen and don’t think I’m too strange…