I was musing on writing a serious response to this prompt but when I mentioned it to Kate she said ‘well what about Dirk?’

We’ve had Dirk, our guinea pig, for a little over a year now. We adopted him as an adult because he was difficult. He originally lived with his siblings but he fought them over food. He was tried in other combinations but the second you put a food dish down he goes crazy. He is great with people though so it was decided that he should be re-homed with people who would give him lots of attention.

Dirk is a greedy pig but his favourite things are crunchy. He likes broccoli stems, kale stems, chard stems, apple peel, carrot tops. Basically anything that would normally get thrown away. We’re such pushovers that even the perfectly edible rainbow chard stems go into Dirks bowl because he adores them. We have to make sure he doesn’t eat too much and watch his intake of oxalates and sugar but he manages to repurpose most of our grub.